Guess what? I wrote a novel. Yes, I did! And it just dropped. Crazy, eh?
Writing Once upon a time…to The End, takes a lot out of you. It sure did me. So here's the story behind the story…
In 1992, between stints in business and politics, I wrote a Hollywood action thriller screenplay called High Seize, fulfilling my strict residency zip code requirements. It was about a hijacked nuke, Hong Kong, love, redemption, and pirates on the high seas. Get it, High Seize! Anyways, the script’s hero, Peter Connor, a rather irreverent self-deprecating guy (And no, it’s not me…I only wish!), lingered in the crooks of my mind. His character was that memorable. But time marched on…and so did I.
Always aspiring to write a novel, I finally started one in late 2017 based on Peter’s backstory, my fictional screenplay character. My novel follows his tumultuous life between 1983 and 9/11, through eighteen years before and after the events of the original script took place. They were interesting times. As in Chinese curse interesting times.
Frankly, it took me longer to write than I anticipated. And it made me exercise parts of my brain I wasn’t familiar with…or was used to using. The right side. And I’m a lefty, literally and figuratively. And just as soon as I started, my family was evacuated by the Tubbs and Nun fires in Sonoma. Our neighborhood wasn’t the same after that, so we decamped to TrackTown USA (Eugene) and waiting for the Covid pandemic to hit. A triple-play of relative misfortune. Somehow, I finally finished the novel’s storyline from beginning to end last fall in a cafe Italy. Yahoo!
Then came the hard part of piecing it all together—it is a jigsaw-like puzzle of a story. Then, finally, after the first draft was complete, I had to mercilessly murder it. Leaving for dead on my Mac’s hard drive, over 22,000 precious words. And let me tell you, it is hard for a writer to let go of words because each one is so very special in interjecting humor, gravitas, and wordplay into our prose.
The editing process came next. Not thin-skinned, it is still painful when others tell you what you don’t want to hear. There were tense issues, active and passive voice concerns, and even an Oxford comma controversy. I think Vampire Weekend’s song “Oxford Comma” (2008) said it best: Who gives a fuck about an Oxford comma? Well, some of my wonderful and thorough readers did! All those elusive words, grammar rules, and, believe it or not, fiction as to have a logic to it—it has to make sense. Life, not so much.
And I haven’t even mentioned the voices I heard in my head writing the novel…of course, I mean character voices, not voices voices!
This being the third decade of the twenty-first century, I eliminated the two hardest parts of a writer’s journey: finding a literary agent—since my query letter was over 100,000 words. Ha ha. As well as finding a suitable Gotham publisher. Gatekeepers, all. It can take an extra years for both. Who has the time? So, no slush pile for me. It’s so ’90s. And despite knowing that 10 of the 15 debut novels (like mine) on The New York Times best-seller list (unlike mine) were book club selections by either Oprah, Reese Witherspoon, Jenna Bush Hager, or Good Morning America, I figured that if I needed a cheerleader, I’ll call my wife into the room. She’s a good dancer. Who needs ‘em, right?
Frankly, after enduring the whole process from blank page to physical copies of my book in my hand, I wish I had learned to express myself in different, better, easier way. Say, like composing a song—3 minutes in-and-out: chorus-verse, bridge, chorus-verse; or perhaps painting a picture that’s done when the paint dries; or even maybe being a standup comedian who just has to be glib and superficial for 15 minutes, kill or die. I could do that—be glib and superficial, I mean. But no, I choose to be a novelist and enjoy years of endless sleepless hell…and all those voices.
Anyway, viola, off and on for four years, I am done. Lost, and Found has arrived. Applause now, please!
In the spirit of Christmas giving, here’s the deal:
If you would like a personalized inscribed copy, I know someone who can get you one. So, if you kindly donate at least US$30 online to the GreatEscape Foundation (FYI: Our Foundation builds co-ed elementary schools and provides interest-free microloans to striving entrepreneurs in the developing world.) and provide your address when doing so, you will be sent a signed, sure to be collector’s First Edition. It is a win-win-win: you get a fun book to read, help make the world a better place, and a charitable tax deduction, too. Such a deal! Thank you.
However, if you prefer to remain anonymous and purchase the book on your own, it’s available on Amazon for $19.73 paperback, or $9.95 Kindle, so please go for it. And thank you, too.
Merry Christmas!
Thanks for the privilege of your time, it is the most precious thing we have, and I appreciate it. Be well.
William D. Chalmers © 2022 GreatEscape Adventures, Inc. All Rights Reserved.